At the beginning of May, my mother was still driving and leading a very independent life. By the end of the month, she could barely stand up, was hospitalized after a fall, and has spent the last 6 weeks in a rehabilitation center. It looks as though she will not be able to live without help now.

Mom is fiercely independent and her master plan was to live and die in her home. But, it didn’t happen that way. So, you need to be prepared. Plead with your parents to take care of their affairs before they are on the mercy of “the system.” And, as we all get older, we need to make sure that we have our own affairs buttoned up as much as possible.

I was thrown into the medical and care giving systems with no warning and little preparation. The plight of our elderly has really dealt a blow to my solar plexus! What in the world does an elderly person do if they don’t have an advocate, a family member, or friend that will help navigate through the medical system, the medicare system, various insurances, little know benefits for the elderly, available living options and their limitations, the legal system, their finances, and all of the associated paperwork?

There are an army of dedicated people serving and servicing our elderly population. But, there are also many in the industry that are not able to find employment elsewhere for a variety of reasons.

Do you know what the following services can cost? These vary of course nationwide, but this is what I have found in California.

• Skilled nursing care:  $5,000- $9,000/month (medicare will pay a portion if certain criteria are met)
• Board & Care: $4000,-6,000/month (not including all living expenses)
• Assisted Living: $5,000 - $7,000/month (not including all living expenses)
• Live in care: Huge range (but make sure you or a parent lives in an area where live in care is even an option.)

If you are planning to depend on social security or even medicare, you might want to re-think that. Boomers are living longer than any population in history. If you don’t have Long Term Medical Insurance or a big, fat savings account, it could be grim. Read Denise Hughes’ column this month. She will help you grapple with your fears surrounding money that will prepare you for this scenario in your own life or your family’s life. After all, many of us will be augmenting our parent’s care financially.

I’ve spent a lot of the last month and a half “being PALE.” In the terms of our own generation, “I’ve been freaked out!” When introduced to the elderly’s plight, you can’t help but project what your own future might look like! I’ve been through all the phases; shock, anger, ownership of the solution, action, and some resolution.

If you have insights and tips you can share, I sure could use your help.

Here are some of my own:

• Beg your parents to get their affairs in order.
• There is a little-know veteran’s benefit that provides financial assistance to the elderly who require living assistance.
• If you are responsible for finding an assisted living environment, make sure you tour each facility. Don’t assume that because the same company owns different facilities, they are equal.
• You can pay more and get less depending on the area.
• Look at and talk to the current residents—do they look happy or depressed. Do they engage in conversation? Are they taking advantage of the activities? Does the staff know them by name?
• Check out the “little” things…they say a lot.

Because my mother lives WAY out of town, I needed to bring her closer to me. This entailed finding the best skilled nursing/rehab center available (and that had a bed available), local physicians, assisted living properties (that have availability), and doing it all within days. You might want to nose around and find out what is available in your own area so that you are prepared.

What I have learned is that even though all of this has scared me to death, taking it all step-by-step, keeping a detailed to-do list, and checking off the accomplishments one-by-one has been empowering. At the end of the day, I want to know that I did all that it was possible for me to do to ensure that Mom’s last years are the best they can be.

Once again, I’m hoping that many of you have experiences and insights that you can share. I certainly would appreciate your help and I know that many others would as well!