Stop the “When I, Then I’ll” Syndrome

Do you ever find yourself saying, “When I get the new drapes, I’ll have a party.” “When I lose the weight, I’ll start looking to date.” “When I catch up, then I’ll go back to school.” “When I get more energy, I’ll start to work out?” Are you waiting until everything is “perfect” to live? If so, you are missing out on a lot of your life!

I heard a quote years ago that came to me as I was thinking about this topic…”Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.” When I Googled it, I was surprised that this quote is attributed to John Lennon. And, I think I might modify it to say “Life is what happens to you whether or NOT you are busy making other plans.” And, if your plans include perfection, you’re going to miss out!

Wouldn’t it be a richer life if we could just invite everyone over for a big pot of spaghetti, not worrying about whether or not the house was pristine or feeling badly that we couldn’t offer a more expensive spread or bottle of wine? Wouldn’t it be more fun to get lost in the joy of swimming than to worry about how we look in our suit? Maybe we would be happier dancing wildly than to be concerned if we know the steps or have “good moves.” Perhaps measuring up to our own or another’s definition of the perfect life, is holding us back from enjoying our lives NOW! And, further, maybe it is holding us back from exploring those dreams that always seem just out of grasp.

I happen to be a person to whom order is sacred and chaos is anathema. But, with growing my new business coupled with my foray into our medical system due to my mother’s recent health issues and the time and energy all of that continues to absorb, I find the order of my life severely compromised. I find myself wondering if that is not the “gift” in all of this turmoil. The house and garden isn’t perfect, I’m distracted and make mistakes (like showing up at an appointment I apparently didn’t schedule after all), I cannot possible reply to every email or telephone call I get within 24 hours, and my office often looks like a hurricane blew through. Though still distressed with the lack of order, it’s getting easier to let go of “perfect” because I love what I’m doing and my life is richer as a result. Letting go of perfect is enabling me to look at things in a different way and re-evaluating what is important to me. It is opening up possibilities, uncovering fears and demonstrating capabilities and strengths I never had time to notice because I was SO distracted with striving for “perfect.”

We all know it…we’re not perfect, life isn’t perfect…but there are subliminal messages everywhere that keep we women striving for this unattainable goal. Images are rife in the media of perfect beauty, perfect home, perfect children, and perfect jobs. In fact, some would even argue that calling on women to go after their dreams and redesigning or reinventing their lives adds yet more pressure to live the perfect life after 50!

I believe striving for perfection is a distraction that instead of allowing us to focus on the things that really matter to us, in fact, robs us of the energy to explore our dreams and interests.

Maybe all we need is practice. Maybe we just need to watch less television (I for one have seen enough advertisements for spotless floors and whiter laundry touted by some ecstatic woman to last me a lifetime.) I think I’ll go on a “perfection fast.” Care to join me?