Whether you’re working in a large corporation, a small nonprofit, or your own business, the consensus seems to be mounting that what’s in your skill set or what appears on your resume is less important for your success than your “people skills”. While that statement may not come as a surprise, it raises a number of questions that merit closer attention. Specifically, what are the essential people skills? How do you assess your skill level, and how do you improve it? Are women likely to be naturally good at some, and less good at others? Are people skills transferable from personal life to the workplace?
The term “soft skills” generally refers to a cluster of communication, leadership and team member skills. Included, often implicitly, is attitude.
Communication covers speaking and listening. An important, not-so-obvious dimension is the match of voice tone and body language to what is being said. Any of you who have children or animals in your life know what happens when you make a request that you‘re not fully behind. It often gets ignored! Similarly, when the tone or body cues don’t match the statement you’re hearing, it’s safest to assume both messages, verbal and nonverbal, are true and act accordingly.
Another dimension of effective communication that doesn’t always come naturally to women is the art of being strategic. While women are often aware of the emotional context of the person we’re speaking to, we don’t always recognize and give weight to the practical context. What are the likely pressures, priorities, and constraints that may be activated by your communication, and how can you frame it taking those considerations into account? When you’re planning a conversation on a sensitive topic, it’s useful to give some prep time to anticipating the considerations your boss or colleague is likely to have, and make it easier for him or her to say yes by offering solutions or work-arounds. Even if you don’t hit the target, you communicate a cooperative approach that can be built upon.
Leadership skills refer to a complex blend of attributes and attitudes. I’m often saddened by women’s reluctance to recognize the leadership skills they possess and utilize when those skills aren’t formally acknowledged. Anyone who has expertise, experience, or perspective that helps others achieve their goals is potentially a leader. Listen closely when you’re thanked or complimented: what is the quality or skill that was found helpful? Take another step and ask if in the future there’s a way to do it even better, or more often. Keeping your eye on the goal – the team’s, the company’s, or the client’s – and offering assistance, acknowledgement and positive reinforcement as others do their part, is a powerful form of leadership within reach of all of us.
In the variable dynamics of business or organizational operations we may be leaders one moment and team members the next. What are the skills we bring to this function, and how do we strengthen them?
Fostering cohesion and resisting the temptations of divisiveness is a key skill and builds on the same principles we use in families and friendships: valuing cooperation, emphasizing strengths, keeping the focus on shared goals, remaining positive during adversity. The gift of humor – a light touch at a difficult moment or when giving criticism – is a priceless skill some are born with and others can cultivate as their confidence and self esteem grow.
Another skill that has some carryover from personal life is a realistic sense of personal strengths and limitations. This means a working knowledge of what one can and can’t do well or easily, and a readiness to address this openly when appropriate. A realistic sense of limitations includes time management and personal boundaries. A team member who can say no, one who can state limits about what she can realistically accomplish or the limits of flexibility she can realistically extend becomes a known entity, more trustworthy than one who gives many yes’s but frequently can’t deliver.
While it’s always wise to continue developing your soft skills, using data from performance reviews and informal feedback, it may be even more important, particularly if you’re in job or career transition, to take a self inventory about which of these skills you already excel in and to elevate these “core competencies” to equal status with your experience and job skills as you present yourself to prospective employers. Since as much as 80% of American workers work in a service industry, good people skills will open doors and promote success. Don’t be shy about leading with them!
