Is he good enough?

You’re over 50 and dating. You’ve gone over past relationships, and said, “If I’d have known then what I know now, I would have been able to see the signals that my ex was a loser.” You want to be sure that any new man who is interested in you will be good enough. Experience has taught you what to watch out for. Yet, you’re not able to find someone who meets your standards. Where are all of the quality men?

Give a guy a break

This holiday season, begin giving the gift of forgiveness to the men who pursue you. I’m not suggesting that you give them a pass for the big things that ruin lives - like infidelity, abuse, or alcoholism. However, giving a guy a break when he is socially clueless on your first date, or doesn’t know “the rules” of courtship and dating, or is not the man you had pictured in your mind’s eye could be your key to uncovering a real gem.

A second chance

Roxanne, a 57 year old RN, was becoming frustrated with the men she was meeting on Match.com. “Tim wants to meet before I get a chance to get to know him on the phone. “ “Jay called Friday for a Saturday night date.” “Robert went on and on about himself on our first date.” “I just know he’s not for me.” During a coaching session, she reluctantly agreed that she would give each guy a second chance before writing them off.

Another second chance…

A few weeks later, she met Dave online. They arranged to meet for coffee. She arrived on time, but he was nowhere to be found. After cooling her heels for a while, she went home and emailed him. “Thanks a lot for your consideration. I waited for 20 minutes for my date with you. Have a nice life.” Dave called a few hours later, profusely apologizing, saying he had put it on his calendar for the following week. If she was not busy, he could meet her any time. He promised that this would never happen again. She had a half hour available later in the day.

…may pay off!

They met and enjoyed a quick cup of coffee together. Her next task was shopping for grout. Dave asked if he could join her, and they had a great time. They began dating exclusively shortly after that. A year, and much love later, they are talking about a long-term future.

Roxanne’s willingness to forgive Dave’s one-time social faux pas gave her a chance to impress him with her generosity of spirit. Without it, she might still be on the internet, searching for the perfect man, not realizing that she’d passed him by.