It’s estimated that 75 percent of family caregivers in the United States are women. If you’re a 50+ woman taking care of your ailing spouse or your elderly parents, chances are you’re also coping with significant work responsibilities, raising teenagers, and saving for your own retirement. While caring for a loved one can be deeply satisfying, there’s no denying the enormous stress created by the emotional, mental, physical and financial demands placed on family caregivers.
Put Your Oxygen Mask on First
We’ve heard it a hundred times: p ut your oxygen mask on first before assisting others. Whether you’re taking care of your spouse or partner, an adult child, or your parents, you know that caregiving demands your best. Taking care of you is not selfish. It’s absolutely necessary. Yet we too often fail to make time to take care of our own needs.
Of course, that sounds fine in theory, but just how do you go about looking after yourself with all the things that need doing? You know you should eat properly, make time to exercise every day, find ways to reduce your stress, and try to get a good night’s sleep. I’d like to focus on four key strategies to help create a sound foundation for your own health and well-being.
Four Big-Picture Strategies
- Learn everything you can. There are amazing resources available to help you understand aging, chronic illnesses, disabilities, medications, health care, assisted living facilities, service providers, respite care and other caregiving support. Check with the library or the Commission on Aging in your community. Visit the websites for the U.S. Administration on Aging, Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services, and Department of Veterans Affairs. The Family Caregiver Alliance and StrengthforCaring.com provide education, training and community for family caregivers. Ask your physician for more information. Knowledge is power, and knowing what you can control and what you can’t is the beginning of wisdom.
- Ask for and accept help. Be prepared with a list of ways in which others can help you. A friend could take your father for a short walk or sit with him in the garden a couple of times a week. Your neighbor could pick up a few things for you at the market. Your teenaged daughter could give your mom a manicure. A cousin could fill in the insurance forms. Accept offers from friends at your church, synagogue, mosque or club to make casseroles or to help with laundry or lawn care. People do want to help. Break down the jobs into simple tasks to make it easier for people to help you. Say yes and thank you with grace.
- Find someone to talk with. You need a safe place to voice your sorrow and fear and uncertainty and frustration. Keep a journal and write freely, without judgment. Choose a trusted friend, spiritual advisor, or compassionate counselor. Read the stories of other family caregivers. Find a local support group – even an online support group can be helpful.
- Take time off without feeling guilty. Ask a friend to watch your father for a couple of hours so that you can sit in the park and stare at the sky. Ask your sisters to watch your mother for the weekend, so you and your honey can have some time to focus on each other. Investigate local respite care. If at all possible, keep your parents informed as you make these arrangements so that they understand your need for a short time away and what you’re doing to ensure their well-being in your absence. You will return refreshed and renewed, ready to begin again.
Taking Care of You is Essential
How well you care for yourself directly impacts how well you care for your loved ones. I hope you’ll find these strategies useful, and I’d love to hear about what you’ve discovered for yourself.
