We’re concentrating this month on survival – not just concerning our jobs, property, financial security, or even our lives, but our sanity, spiritual serenity, mental peace and contented heart.... and that last, I think, is the most difficult to achieve.
The gift of age - resiliency
I shall enter my eightieth year in August and so have naturally had a number of hurdles to deal with (can’t honestly say it seems that long, though!), and during the last few months have been trying to remember how I felt when........... what I did to triumph over it, squeeze through it, accept the situation because there was no alternative, or what compromises I made in order to absorb it.
Overwhelmed? Give it 15 minutes
Many years ago, when my children were very young and things were rather grim, I was frightened by the sense of being totally overwhelmed and realised I had to take charge of something, even if it was only a household task. I began to live life via fifteen-minute increments because I felt incapable of thinking beyond that. I scrubbed the kitchen floor, or washed all the lace curtains, or weeded, or polished the brass, or did something that would engage my absolute attention for that period and forced myself to crowd out any other thoughts or emotions, all those things that had been eating away at me.. After some eventual success, I extended the periods to thirty minutes, an hour, a morning and so on. Not only had it now become a way of life, but the tasks I had undertaken had never been so well executed before! Simply because of the concentration, of course.
Learn to compartmentalize
The work calmed me, the accomplishment comforted me, and the discipline reassured me. I began to believe that I was capable of taking charge of my life and of dealing with any spears life hurled at me – not fearlessly, I was frightened by many things, but I felt that examining problems with deliberateness and forced calm would bring the best results in the end. As a result, I found I was finally able to handle my emotions with confidence, and that, of course, was a huge step forward. I kept forcing myself to look at the worst scenarios, just in case, and knew that once I had confronted them and thought my way through practical, sensible, possible solutions, anything else would be a slight bonus. Thus, I learned to compartmentalize and that has been the greatest support in my life in turbulent times. It required a lot of discipline in the beginning, but eventually became a way of life. When something horrendous happens, I can tuck it away, put the lid on for most of the time, take it out every now and then and examine it or just ‘feel’ it so that it doesn’t fester, and then put it away again and get on with my life. It’s probably called ‘survival’.
Life lessons
Money was often an enormous problem in those early days and so the cheaper cuts of meat were always our fare. This invariably meant casseroles and when I was cooking one meal, I was either cooking another at the same time, or partially cooking something. I even put peas in a dish in water inside the oven, instead of in a saucepan on top. They cooked very well. Since I was a working mother, meals were prepared and my sons were often responsible for switching on the oven upon arriving home from school; the warmth from the oven helped to give some background heating in the cold weather – another saving. This task also taught them family and personal responsibility. Teaching your children to have personal discipline and accountability are two of the greatest gifts you can give them and when perplexing times come, they will be able to bank on the comfort and strength of their integrity instead of having to battle their emotions and sensibilities.
Go out and find it!
Loneliness at certain periods was also a challenge. But, remember, life will not come knocking on your door. You have to go out and find it. There are many activities you can enjoy with your children (or grandchildren): swimming, cycling, tennis, bowling, kite-flying, and many others. We found tennis racquets on sale at the Railway Lost Property office (which was also where I found raincoats for them in their school color). Thrift shops often have things like that.
Be interested. Get out!
For yourself, join a club with an activity you would enjoy anyway, not because you’re trying to find a partner or even just friends. Interesting people are those who are interested, and they tend to be much more successful in their lives. Involve yourself with the running of the club, your child’s school, voluntary service at the local hospital, church or charity. Go to art exhibitions, craft shows, lectures, concerts, theatre plays. I realise you may not have enough money to do some of these things, I didn’t once... well, more than once... but many interesting pastimes are free and I have met all sorts of delightful and intriguing people when wandering around such places and many otherwise lonely hours were used up, hours which might otherwise have been spent worrying about the monsters that come in the night.
Stay current
Don’t cut yourself off. Read, listen and learn. Make yourself capable of entering a general conversation: it’s tennis? At least know the names and scores of some of the players (I fail dismally on this!) Politics? Get a simple grasp on some of the current topics. Films, plays, books? Read the latest critiques. Learn at least a little about cooking, gardening, fishing, sailing, the latest hot air balloon race, international cycle race, fashion, scientific discovery... whatever, but be able to talk about it with a degree of certainty and intelligence. Meeting more people also means possible networking for jobs, ideas, places to live, financial data and so on.
Live a full, rich life!
All these things are important to your life because they make you use your mind and emotions on a broader scale. When doing that, you will deal with frightening difficulties more equably and your life will be fuller and richer.
