A grandmother is a mother who has a second chance.
—Author Unknown

A different point of view
When I was studying to be a therapist, I had an internship in an agency that worked with fairly long term clients. My supervisor took us through an exercise that made a lasting impression. We were to write about three of our clients, we had been working with for awhile, from a fresh perspective.  We were asked to write down what our assumptions were about our clients when we began a session with them. Then we were to check out whether those assumptions were still true or whether they were ever true.

You don’t really know what to expect!
I found the exercise fascinating. I hadn’t realized that I had made the assumption that I knew this client and, therefore, had expectations about their behavior. It’s not so surprising. When we’ve been in a relationship for awhile, we tend to think we know what to expect from the other person. And, we are wrong.

Look at things differently
At times I’ve tried to apply a new viewpoint to my life. I have found it creates a kind of renewal in my relationships and in my experience of the world. I can look out the window and think – same old back yard. Or I can notice how the sun, which is beginning to set, shines its slanting rays on the grass, creating delightful patterns of light and dark. And yes, the grass needs cutting, but that just means more little leaves to create sun/shade designs with. With a renewed viewpoint, I find myself smiling in pleasure instead of just brushing by the “same old, same old.”

Look at your grandchildren with new eyes
Sometimes our relationships, for instance with our grandchildren, can use a change of attitude, a renewal – even a re-commitment.  That’s rather easy with young grandchildren because they so visibly do change as they grow up. Relating to a two year old is so very different from one who is twelve. But even then, we can get into a habit of thinking of each child as having particular traits, gifts, problematic behaviors. We begin to narrow our view, even with fairly young children. 

Instead, we can look at them with fresh eyes, as though we had just met them and don’t know what to expect.  This is both challenging and a fascinating experiment with adolescents.  They can be in some ways so predictable, yet they are also going through such a time of change, that discovering or suggesting something new to them can lead to interesting results.

Don’t get stuck
Some of us find our relationship with a particular grandchild especially challenging. We find ourselves stuck in a pattern, in our relating to them, that repeats itself unpleasantly. Whenever we see such a pattern in any relationship, we can change it quite quickly. We just have to notice what our part is in the interchange, and do something different. You may find that more of a challenge that you’d expect, which may lead to a greater awareness of your side of it. 

It may take awhile before behavior changes, but at least it stops the unpleasant pattern.  It also helps to talk this over with someone else who might see the pattern more objectively and that may have suggestions you might not think of yourself.

Change is always possible
Not everyone is a happy grandma.  Some kids and grandkids aren’t so easy to be with.  In all relationships, however, it is always possible for change to happen in the only person you can change – you.  That can make all the difference. 

May you enjoy the renewal of spring, here once more to remind us of the hidden freshness and new growth in everything that surrounds us and lives within us.