Do you ever find yourself thinking “ I just want to know what the rules are, and function on auto pilot?” Our generation has experienced a tremendous amount of change, and some of us are simply done with it.

1950s & 60s
For example, when I was growing up in the fifties, I was taught that good girls remain virgins until marriage. As I moved through my teens, The Pill and the sexual revolution turned that assumption on its head. During my early adulthood, catch phrases like “free love,” and “make love, not war,” gave many women of my generation permission to embrace their sexuality, and become intimate with whomever they chose.

The downside of this freedom was that having sex could be confusing. We now know that orgasms trigger attachment hormones in women. They affect each of us differently, but if you were someone who responded strongly to them, you could find yourself falling for anyone, even someone you barely knew.

1980s
Fast-forward a couple of decades, and AIDS had reared its ugly head. Best sellers like “The Rules,” or “Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man,” gave women timetables for having sex, and formulas for succeeding at capturing love without getting their hearts broken in the process.

While these theories were successful at helping some women win men’s hearts, they didn’t work for everyone. For many, sexual compatibility is a crucial component of a long-term relationship. If there is no chemistry, they’re going to look for love elsewhere, or settle for a sexless future. 

Now You Have Choices
Fortunately, you have choices in how you handle sex and dating. Rather than having a hard and fast system about waiting to be intimate until you have a guarantee of commitment, take a look back into how introducing lovemaking into a relationship has affected you in the past. Did you fall in love easily afterwards? Did you become invested in the outcome of your relationship regardless of what else he had to offer? Or were you able to maintain your ability to evaluate him based on all of his attributes?

Take Your Time
If your level of involvement jumps sky-high after being sexual, it’s probably best to hold off until you have a good idea if he’s a good fit for you in other ways. If you are able to make sense of things while chemistry blurs your vision a little, then wait for a few dates, and move forward.

No Insurance
Either way, one of the most difficult things about making a decision to bed someone is the risk that he may decide that you’re not the one for him. Unfortunately, there is no way to insure that won’t happen—it’s part of dating.

Be Honest with Yourself
Rather than taking direction from somewhere else, look honestly at yourself and how you’ve responded to similar situations in the past. When you make your own custom rules, you’re ahead of the game.