Have you ever experienced the feeling of guilt after you made a certain purchase?  Do you remember what the purchase was? What were the circumstances around the purchase? How much money are you comfortable spending, without your partner knowing about it, before guilt sets in?

Women experience purchasing guilt for many reasons.  Let’s take a look at some of the root reasons of spending guilt.

• Women tend to place the needs of others before our own, especially the needs of their children, grandchildren, parents and life partner. If a woman emotionally (not intellectually) believes her needs are less important, pushing her desires further and further down her life priority list, she will have trouble shopping for things she genuinely needs for herself. When she does make that purchase, she will most likely experience guilt.

• Another reason, (one in which I can relate to) is buying something at full price and feeling guilty. I grew up learning how to be a bargain shopper, even if I didn’t need the item I was buying. It took me years to realize just how much money I wasted buying things on sale I didn’t need, only to practically give the stuff away at a garage sale. At one time, my closets were filled with bargain items, nothing of which I felt good about wearing.

• In working with my clients and being privileged to hear their stories, I have heard many women tell me they buy things, only to return them out of guilt, over and over again.  I have seen rooms of QVC purchases, waiting to be returned. This type of purchasing/ returning pattern is analogous to the binging/purging cycle in an eating disorder. The underlying belief is one of not deserving.

• Some women are uncomfortable spending money they didn’t earn themselves. Let’s say Jennifer retires and her life partner is still working, and the decision is to live off of her partner’s income. Jennifer may have a tendency to make her needs “small” so she won’t feel so indebted to her partner. This is another way guilt can show up.

• Being in a money fog can create guilt feelings when spending. If a woman isn’t sure how much money is available for her to spend in her checking account or if she doesn’t know how much money it will take to pay her bills in a given month, her spending on non-necessity items can create guilt. Or, what if she feels that any extra money she has should go to pay down debt?

What can you do right now?
So, what is a woman to do to rid herself of the guilt she may experience around spending and instead feel and experience pleasure? Here are some ideas. I’d love to hear your ideas as well. Please email me with your success stories!

• Create a monthly spending plan.
Believe it or not, creating a monthly spending plan is a way to give yourself an experience of pleasure when purchasing. Why? Planning what you are going to spend before you spend, is a way to give yourself permission for the purchase ahead of time. It takes the guilt out of the experience. You have already created a way to make the purchase happen in a balanced way, where you are also making sure that all your other bills get paid too.

• Planning with a partner
Creating a monthly spending plan with a life partner is another way to let go of the guilt. Besides paying all the necessary bills, the two of you can agree on a dollar amount that you each spend every month that is guilt free. You don’t have to tell each other what you are spending it on, it’s private and personal.

Save first!
In order to “let go” of full price guilt, save up the money you want to spend on a certain item that you are willing to pay full price for. Once you have the money saved, go shopping and enjoy buying something that you really feel great in. Paying full price is actually a more economical way to go if you purchase something you LOVE and wear it all the time. You get more bang for your buck while giving yourself enormous pleasure!

You ARE worth it!
Remember, you are worth it! You bring tremendous value to those around you. It’s OK to spend on yourself in a balanced way. It’s the basis of good self-care!