Our bank accounts, like our bodies, come in all different sizes and shapes. The funny thing is, research tells us that women with bulging bank and investment accounts have pretty much the same financial fears as those who live paycheck to paycheck or have a more moderate sum put away. This fear is the “bag lady syndrome” or the fear of being poor in our older age.

This is really an interesting piece of research from Allianz, done in 2006 about Women, Power and Money. This research lends itself to the assumption that money isn’t what creates security. Fears don’t always come from a rational, logical, left brain place. Some fears originate from a deeper place, the gut. These fears are based in emotion supported by an underlying belief system.

Bag Lady Fears

According to Olivia Mellan, a money therapist in New York City, “the Bag-lady syndrome plagues, puzzles and, in more extreme cases, paralyzes women who want to get a better grip on their financial lives”. She says famous people like, Lily Tomlin, Gloria Steinem, Shirley MacLaine and Katie Couric all admit to having a bag lady in their anxiety closet. Mellon says the “bag lady” syndrome “cuts across women of all social groups; it’s not like wealthy women don’t have it.” “Heiresses, women who have inherited wealth, have big bag-lady nightmares because they really feel like the money came to them magically and can leave them just as magically.”

The Fear of Budgeting and Planning

Women also fear the financial planning process, so sometimes they avoid it. Women have tremendous anxiety when it comes to actually “seeing their real money picture,” and finding out what they need to do to reach their long term goals.

Many a client has told me, “if I don’t know the numbers, I don’t have to do anything about it right now.” Denial, although not so healthy, creates a protective cushion. It takes tremendous courage to be willing to shift out of denial to a place of clarity in regard to one’s financial picture.

I remember when my husband and I first began to work on our cash flow and looked at the “real” numbers of our debt. I went through an entire box of puffs Kleenex because I was so angry and shocked at the debt we owed. I had to own up to my part of our money picture and take responsibility for the years I kept my head in the sand and the years I didn’t confront what was going on because I didn’t know how to.

I also remember when we had our first financial plan done. It was a time filled with anxiety as well as anticipation. The thoughts in my head were, “Are we ever going to be able to retire?” “How much more do we need to save a month to meet our retirement goals? and Can we do this?

One of the most important things to remember about the financial planning process is that it isn’t written in stone. It’s just a picture of a snapshot in time about your money and dreams. Anything can change to make it better. Frequently, the best laid plans get changed anyway because of life circumstances. The important thing is to re-visit your plan yearly. You can re-assess your dreams, resources and creatively find a way to get what you want in life.

A budgeting fear I hear regularly is “If I plan my spending, I won’t be able to get what I want.” That’s a strong belief that would cause a woman to keep an arm’s length from planning her cash flow and monitoring it. This fear usually isn’t grounded in reality. What happens is that you can actually get more of what you want by being a better steward of you money and eliminating the “frittering factor.” It’s hard to imagine until you experience it though.

Superstitions come into play also. Some people think that if you create an estate plan that it’s an invitation for something bad to happen. A well known estate attorney in my town recently told me that two out of three attorneys fail to have an estate plan! This resistance is usually the result of an underlying emotional fear.

The Fear of Numbers

There are many sound reasons women fear taking on their finances. It is a known fact that women tend to have more math anxiety than men. I frequently hear, “I just am no good at all with money, I have no faith in myself.” “I was never good at math.” Me either. But all it takes is a calculator and a structured, user- friendly system to make it all work out well.

Women aren’t socialized in talking about money. Women traditionally have conversations about their children, important relationships, their business dreams and taking care of their parents. It is more common to hear a man talk about how the stock market is doing or to bring up money in conversation. One of my favorite clients told me, “When I die, no one at my funeral is going to say, she kept a good checkbook register.” Sometimes we tell ourselves stories that keep us away from engaging more actively with our money.

Women aren’t as familiar with the “language of money” either. The language of investing can be scary. It’s challenging to be talking with a financial professional and feel you have to have a dictionary at your fingertips to understand what is being said.

Fear of Investing

Women are getting smarter and better at investing, yet we lag behind men. Because women don’t understand the process of investing, they tend to want to keep their money close at hand. Women tend to be more comfortable with bank savings accounts or CD’s rather than putting money in the stock market. Women have greater fears about losing money in the market and not being able to get it back.

Given that we all have money fears and share many of the same ones, it’s important to look at how to begin moving through those fears.

Identify Your Fear

I find it helpful to actually label the fear. Labeling it, begins to take the energy out of it. It is much harder to deal with free floating anxiety from unlabeled fears. So, figure out what is your greatest financial fear. Write it down with the date. Share your fear out loud with a trusted friend or say it out loud to yourself.

Post Inspirational Fear Busting Quotes Where You Spend Time

I have a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, taped to my desk top. It says: “Do one thing that scares you each day.” I find her words exhilarating and challenging. Her words are a call to action. The more we practice moving through fear, the greater mastery we have over it.

Take Action

Any step forward is a step away from your fear. When you take action, you begin to reclaim your personal power and move out of being a victim or controlled by your fear. You begin to shift your energy. Taking action is one of the most powerful fear busting steps you can take.

What is your most pressing financial issue? What is one thing you can do today to create forward movement and give this issue less power over you?

Action steps can look like taking a class, reading a book or requesting to have a consultation with your financial professional.

Ask questions until you get what you want. When you bump into an obstacle have fun creating a way to move around it.  If you want to know what’s going on financially in your marriage or partnership, request to see all the documents that will allow you to get your needs met.

My colleague and friend, Helga Hayse, author of “Don’t Worry About A Thing Dear,” talks about “financial transparency” in relationships. What do you need to see or need to know in order to have the quality of financial transparency in your relationship? Make it happen.

Think the Best and Plan For the Worst

No one likes to think about death or disability. And you don’t have to if you have your financial house in order and the appropriate protections in place, in case something happens to you or your partner.

Planning for the worst is a great way to help alleviate your fears, because you will know that should your worst fear happen, you will be prepared at least financially.