Happy February and Happy Valentine’s Day to all our readers! This month, I invite you to play a little money relationship game with me. Here we go!

On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the greatest intensity) how intimate are you with your money? Write down your intimacy number here ______.  Based on the number you wrote down, how would you describe your relationship with money?

Score of 1-3
If you wrote down a number between 1-3, is your relationship one of discontent, tension, avoidance and conflict? Are you on speaking terms? Are you in the midst of a separation? When was the last time you sat down with your finances and really had a heart to heart talk over lunch or a good cup of coffee and really opened up about what was on your mind?

Score of 4-7
If you wrote down a number between 4-7, are you on an acquaintance basis flirting with wanting companionship? Do you want more but not quite sure how to go about getting it? Are your desires pulling you into wanting to spend more time together? Do you have a growing interest in bringing a better understanding to your relationship? Would you like money to hang in your orbit longer, rather than brief comings and goings? Does your heart yearn for more?

Score of 8-10
If you wrote down a number between 8-10, have you gone all the way with your relationship with money? Have you shared communication between the sheets (balance sheets that is)? Do you daydream about money and share your deepest desires with it? Does it know what makes you happy? Is your relationship based on trust, respect and conscious communication?

I think it’s safe to say as women, we are first and foremost focused on our relationships. Many other parts of our lives take a second place. This being the case, I would hope as a reader of this column you would be interested in actively deepening your relationship with money. This relationship is one of the longest lasting in your life and one with which you interact pretty much each day! With this in mind, following are some suggestions to support you in deepening this relationship.

Be Willing to Explore and Move through Negative Feeling States
Know that money is neutral, it’s not good or bad, it just is. Sometimes, we live in the blind-spots of unconscious belief and project a story onto “Money,” that makes it something it really isn’t.

If you feel tension, avoidance or frustration in your relationship with money…find a way (that works for you) to work through it to arrive at a better place. This place would be one of peace, control and an experience of ease.

If you were having chronic negative feelings about a spouse, you would most likely try psychotherapy, read some books and talk with people that have been through what you are going through. The same works in growing your relationship with money, seek out a coach, read some books and talk with your friends that are in a similar situation as you. Move toward a more positive relationship state with your money!

Be Willing to Understand How Money Works
As women, we will go to the farthest degree to understand our partner’s or children’s behavior, even if we disagree with it. By-products of understanding can bring forgiveness and healing. It deepens our relationship with another.

Money needs our understanding as well. Any area that we are vague about in our financial life needs the light of understanding to shine on it for greater learning on our part. Since money doesn’t have a verbal voice, we need to initiate ways to better our understanding of it. We need to ask questions of financial professionals until we are sure we have a clear understanding about our finances. Or, we can take a class or read books to understand how money works.

We need to understand the ways our money can grow and how to best make that happen. We need to understand the concept of compounding, how to protect assets, as well as ways we can deplete our stores.

What You Focus on Grows
Just as you reward your partner and children for behaviors you desire, and focus less (so as not to reward) on behaviors that you would like to go away, the same can be true with money.

If you focus on all the positive things about money, you will begin to experience more of your focus. For example, I am thankful for having money to pay our mortgage, for buying food I enjoy and for being able to save for my later years. I am thankful for money to be able to buy gifts of appreciation at various times of the year. You can focus on all the things money can bring to you in your life, based on the choices you make on how you spend your money of course.

To attract more money in your life, movies like The Secret, teach that our thoughts and feeling states need to be in energetic alignment or matching vibrations. This is key.
Law of attraction also tells us to talk in present tense about our desires rather than speaking about desires in the past or future.