Dating myths often cover up fear of rejection. “I trust the Universe to send a man to me when the time is right,” “If a man is really interested, he’ll approach me,” and “Love comes when you’re not looking,” are stories that many single women tell themselves when there is no potential partner in sight.

Unfortunately, if you act upon these beliefs, you’re reducing your chances of bringing love into your life. As you get older, being proactive is one of the most important factors in finding a mate.

Men don’t even notice you if you seem to be married—which almost every midlife woman does. Years of being in the workplace, marriage or motherhood have taught you how to express yourself in a professional or matronly manner. In order to avoid unwanted attention, you’ve learned not to be too flirty or friendly towards men—especially strangers.

In addition, many midlife women dress for comfort or to disguise figure “faults,” rather than dressing to attract. Men are drawn to a woman whose wardrobe, hair and makeup are flattering. And you’ll likely feel more confident when you’re looking your best.

The next time you’re out, whether it’s at the grocery store, the bus stop or a party, it’s time to practice talking to men. Make eye contact, smile, and say “Hi.” Watch his reaction. Some guys will be so surprised that they’ll freeze. Others will welcome your approach. Mention something about the situation that you’re both in. For example, in the grocery store, you might ask him what he thinks about a product nearby. At a bus stop, mention the weather. At a party, ask how he knows the host. Whatever the subject, it should be light, friendly and quick. Keep smiling, tell him it was nice talking with him, and move on. Continue practicing, and it will become easier.

Remember, you don’t need to accept a date from anyone just because you talk to him. Simply tell him that you’re not available.

If you’d like to meet someone to date, buying into dating lore reinforces your fear of the unknown. When you become paralyzed by fear, no one will ever know that you are available. Once you step past your fear, you’re opening the door to the possibility of a rich love life.