It may seem to be an oxymoron. Could a dyed-in-the-wool introvert actually find networking enjoyable? Yes! Read on, and invite your extroverted friends along. When you find a networking style that fits, it can be fun for one and all.

Your columnist definitely qualifies as an introvert, and yet she has built and sustained not just one, but two, thriving referral-based businesses. Two important points to remember, for starters:

1. Introverts don’t dislike people. They’re likely to prefer them in small doses and want to choose a setting that’s congenial to them for getting together.
2. Networking is not about selling, nor about leading up to selling. At its heart it’s about building relationships in which both members gain something. It’s about “what I’d like you to know about me” and “how I can be helpful to you”.

Whether you’re in career transition or building your business, having a wide circle of people, who know you or know of you and have reason to think well of you, will vastly increase the likelihood of a successful outcome. This seems to be more true now than ever. Person-to-person contact is more impactful and stays longer in people’s minds than electronic or digital contact, and has the potential for being more enjoyable.

Here are some questions and answers to help introverts – and others – find new comfort and success with networking.

Q: Upon whom should I be focusing my networking efforts?

A: People who may have something you need – information, contacts - or want something you have – skills, experience, contacts.

People who have an indirect connection to the above people. For example, people in a job or industry you’re interested in, or people who work with people in that industry.

Anybody and everybody…you never know! Talk about what you love about the work you want to be doing; tell a story about how you came to discover this work. Just keep talking!

Q: What settings might help a shy person to put her best foot forward?

A: Think about where you’re most comfortable. If it’s one-on-one and you’re at a large gathering, find a table or a corner where you’re more likely to be able to have a conversation with just 1-2 other people.

If it’s in small groups that you’ve organized, consider collecting several people in career transition or who have been laid off and invite them for an evening of conversation around a topic. “Keeping spirits high” or “Help me help you” often work well.

You might consider one of my favorites for networking: a brainstorming group. Invite a small group of people who know you personally or professionally and ask them to brainstorm a question that may have you stumped: “How can I find contacts in the environmental justice field?” Serve tea and desert as thank you. Offer to convene a meeting for others who might have a similar need. For more about brainstorming, see http://futurecatalyst.com or http://www.thebrainexchange.com/guidelines.html

Q: What are some tips for being successful with networking?

A: Here are five suggestions:

1. If you’re attending a gathering, formulate a question/conversation-starter beforehand, if beginnings are awkward for you. One that invites conversation, rather than a yes/no answer, often works best: “What brings you here?” or “What attracts you to the speaker’s topic?”
2. Be a good listener! Many introverts are, by nature. Don’t try to change this, just because you’re “networking”! Ask questions, express interest or concern, make suggestions or offer resources where you can. People are most likely to remember someone later when that person has been helpful.
3. If you click with someone, suggest following up with coffee and indicate you’ll take the initiative. This is often a good idea even when there isn’t a specific purpose, and helps fight isolation.
4. When you’ve had a valuable conversation with someone, ask for his/her business card, and write an identifying comment on the back to help you remember them later. You‘ll have what you need to write a thank you note, ask a question, or just stay in touch.
5. Find ways to stay in touch. Sending an article of mutual interest, attending an event together, following up by sending a resource he or she showed interest in are a few of the limitless possibilities.

Q: Are there any books you recommend on networking?

A: Yes. Clients, self-identifying as shy, have found this book to be both readable and useful: Never Eat Alone: And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time" title="Never Eat Alone : And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time">Never Eat Alone : And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship at a Time by Keith Ferrazzi and Tahl Raz.

So good luck! Remember as an introvert you make up 50% of the population and in this fast-paced world even extroverts may appreciate your slower-paced, thoughtful conversation.