Did you ever hear the expression “children should be seen and not heard”? I remember it from my childhood. I don’t have a memory of it being said to me directly, but I learned it since it was part of the viewpoint of the time. Perhaps there was some influence from the farming community my parents grew up in, with a high work ethic that included the kids. Also, they were accustomed to a certain amount of solitude and silence.
Compare that with suburban children today, who schedule busy lives with activities and in between endlessly text and twitter from an early age. In my grandchildren’s world, noise and self-expression are constant companions.
In the former situation, there is little encouragement to children to express themselves externally and have a voice in family affairs. In the contemporary world, there is a constant stream of expression, some of it pretty superficial.
Thinking further about what it means to express yourself at this time, I looked at the diminished role of the arts in my country – how they are the first classes to be cut when budgets are tight in schools.
As grandparents, we have the long view. For some of us, the view is longer than for others, depending on the age of our grandchildren. However, we can all see trends that come and go and different views about how to raise children.
What does it mean to express yourself in your lifetime? I was watching a special program on public television the other night – a celebration of Pete Seeger’s 90th birthday. It was fun hearing the old songs and remembering singing them with enthusiasm. Whether you agree with his viewpoint or not, or even know who he is, Pete Seeger was – and is – a man devoted to self-expression and encouraging that same quality in others.
It was especially touching to watch him with the audience – his voice is different at age 90, but his enthusiasm for the audience’s response was not changed. He guided them and listened to them. One person that evening said the greatest birthday present for Pete was the response of the audience, their participation and involvement in the song. Pete modeled two methods of sharing with the world what meant the most to him: artistic expression and speaking out for a cause he believed in.
What do we sing about? The songs that touch us the most are ones that speak a truth we know. A truth, perhaps, that we have never spoken or even acknowledged to ourselves. There are lines in songs that stop me from singing, because of the tears that well up. Eventually, if I sing it often enough, the feelings fade, but the truth of a phrase lives on in my heart.
For me, one of those lines is in the song “The Rose”: “it’s the one who won’t be taken, who cannot seem to give”. Coming from New York City, where one of the greatest sins is to be taken for a sucker, I hadn’t easily trusted. The song brought home what my distrust was doing to me.
What is deep in your heart that you want your grandchildren to know? Have you told them? If someone asked them what matters to you, what would their answer be?
No matter what your voice is like, remember Pete Seeger’s words: “there are no wrong notes” and teach your grandkids a song. Or help them paint or sculpt or put on some music and dance.
In my day, grandparents were supposed to be dignified. I say, let’s look like fools and have some fun, instead!
