Ask for what you want
When we watch our young grandchildren, we can see that they are clear about going for what they want. They reach for it, they cry when they want it and aren’t getting it, they have a tantrum, sometimes, when they are denied what they would like to have – right now! This very moment! No delays! Their behavior can seem cute or annoying, depending on the circumstances, but their feelings of the moment are clear.
Know what you want
As adults, we have learned to be less direct, to keep our feelings more under wraps. We want a good score on the kindergarten scale of “plays well with others” (read: is willing to share). We may get caught up in what we don’t want and are less clear about what we do want. Then our focus goes to what we want to move away from. We are a little like grandchildren in that “no” stage, who mostly want to assert themselves and aren’t really interested in the object or request but are focused on the ability to refuse it. Whatever it is.
Focus
It is a truism that we are more likely to get what we focus on, even if that focus is negative. Also, there is an influential negative focusing that is common to us all. We often want to push away uncomfortable or painful feelings. We push them down and the result is that they lie buried within us, taking up energy and attention, to keep them buried. Even if we are focused on not wanting to lose something in our lives–-our home or someone we love–-it is really the feelings we imagine would arise that we want to avoid.
Moving towards love does not mean repressing feelings that are unpleasant. Love begins with ourselves. We need to love all parts of ourselves, even the parts that are angry, depressed, in pain or losing hope. When we push those feelings away, we actually bring a focus on them and they remain with us, even though they may be hidden from our awareness. They show up in the way our hearts remain closed in order to keep the feelings at bay.
Open up
When we open to all aspects of ourselves, a strange miracle happens. It happens slowly, one incident at a time. To quote from the wonderful children’s story by Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit:
It doesn’t happen all at once. . You become. It takes a long time. . . . Generally, by the time you are REAL, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are REAL you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.
Go for it!
The image of a well-used, raggedy toy animal is not the appearance we usually strive for. But why not? Why not use ourselves up fully during our lifetime? All of that wonderful collage of possibilities and actualities that we are. Go for it! Go for a way of living that will inspire your grandchildren to live fully the lives you hope for them.
