“I’m done with men. They are way too much work.” Doris sighed and pushed back her hair. “I get all of the affection I need from my friends and my cat—without the trouble.” She’s not alone. Many midlife women don’t relish the uncertainty of courtship and would rather enjoy life alone than risk the pain that a bad relationship can bring.
Retiring from the dating market may not be the panacea that Doris would like it to be. Recent studies extol loving relationships as bringing you everything from heart health, immune system strength, and increasing youth hormones.
Elaine, a sixty year-old gynecologist, just fell in love for the first time since she was twenty two. As much as she loves her dog, she decided that she’d like to come home to a man every night. She gathered her courage, and decided to dive into the world of dating. She utilized dating coaching in order to increase her knowledge of men and courtship, as well as to increase her confidence. After dating for a few months, she met Rick on Match.com. She’s thrilled after nine months. He stood by her when she was struggling to help her mother deal with her final illness. They share many activities and see each other almost every day.
Elaine credits a new attitude that she learned from coaching which helped her handle dating wisely. She says that she fell in love with her eyes wide open. She let him lead her through courtship, and understood that he showed his feelings by what he did, rather than simply listening to what he said.
It was a struggle at first, but Elaine learned to open up to Rick slowly. As much as she was attracted when they first dated, she held back until she knew that she could count on him to be there for her. She was enticing and seductive, but kept busy with her life—even dating other men occasionally, until Rick asked if she would date him exclusively. Now she is gauging their relationship by how much she enjoys his company and how he treats her. She doesn’t worry about what kind of future he might provide for her, but is secure in the knowledge that he’s financially responsible. After all, at midlife, the future is now.
Rather than giving up on dating, open yourself to the possibility of love and happiness. If you fall slowly and wisely, you could find the love of your life.
4 Comments
Posted by broderickcw on 11/08 at 05:37 AM
Good reading. I am at the point that Elaine was - I still don’t trust men. I have been divorced since 1993 and have “been with men” occassionally since then. But, I have not trusted enough to put myself fully in the relationship; if we can call it that. I am now 52 years old and don’t know if I would ever find love.
Posted by Annie Gleason on 11/09 at 06:13 PM
As far as trusting men goes: Each person we let into our lives has to earn trust. Each man is different than the last—some are trustworthy, others are not. In order to discover how trustworthy a man is, let him show you by his actions before you get emotionally invested in the outcome. His actions will show you his true colors!
You could find love. I’ve worked with women of all ages and helped them overcome their barriers to getting into a good relationship.
Hope this helps. Here’s to a great love life! Annie
Posted by Zoe on 01/01 at 08:12 PM
I often read about women over 50 & I am not on the same page as most I read about. Most women have had their families, kids are grown & wondering if they can find love again. I didn’t have my son (age 6) until 44 yrs. Now, I’m divorced (for 4 years) and now find myself lonely which has never been something I’ve felt before. I lack trust in men, wonder if they are worth the trouble, yet find that I long for love and companionship. Are there any good men out there? Any men that would be interested in a relationship with a woman with a 6 year old no less. I long for the days when I didn’t want a man in my life but this longing is quite strong and I don’t know where it comes from, what to do with it and tried and failed online dating. So, I don’t know what is going on with me & where I find a energetic good man. I’m an active, healthy and spunky woman and also loving… If I sound confused, I think I am…
Posted by Annie Gleason on 01/07 at 05:17 PM
Zoe,
Yes, there are good men out there, including guys who enjoy families and children, and are willing to be in a long term relationship with a loving women who has a kid.
The way to learn to trust a man is to open up yourself slowly. Become flirtatious friends first. Men show their trustworthiness by their actions—over time. The mistake that many women make is that they open themselves up too soon.
No matter how eager a guy is, take time to get to know him before getting serious. Men are on different timetables, so wait for him to openly pursue a committed relationship before you assume that you have one.
Online dating is a good way to meet men who you otherwise wouldn’t meet. Contact me if you want guidance—I have a system that really works.
Annie