You’re out and about—at a party, grocery shopping, or in line at Starbucks. An attractive man who you’ve never met approaches you and starts a conversation. You freeze. You’re flustered—not sure what to say. Somehow, you manage to respond. Later on, in the safety of your home, you think of all of the wonderful things that you should have said.

The same thing used to happen to me when I met an interesting guy, or went on a date. I was so intent on impressing him with how wonderful I was, that it became almost impossible to relax and just be myself.

Like many women in our generation, I had been taught that in order to be pleasing to a man, I had to be sweet, tactful and agreeable. I’m nice enough, but I’m also opinionated, have an off the wall sense of humor, and am somewhat unconventional. It must have been quite confusing to men I was dating, because when the “real me,” came out, they often didn’t know how to take it. It was only when I learned how to express my true self to eligible men that I easily began to connect with men who adored me.

If you’re having trouble being yourself when you’re dating, remember how many people like you just the way you are. It’s your job to discover if your date is another one of those people. If you start to feel self-conscious, take a couple of deep breaths, and ask yourself if your date is acting like he doesn’t like you. If he is, excuse yourself and go. If he’s not, remember that he’s enjoying you just the way you are. Then, continue to express yourself just as you would with your friends.

Another way to become more spontaneous is to take a basic improvisational theatre workshop. Many cities have improv classes. Some even have workshops that are targeted for people who are shy.  It’s a fun way to learn to convey your personality.

Whatever you do when you’re dating, don’t forget to be yourself.