Whether you become one or hire one, your elderly parent WILL need an advocate that is looking out for their best interests to navigate our complex and mysterious medical system on their behalf.

It’s only been three months since I was thrown into the position of advocate for my mother. She complained of tingling and numbness in her feet, took a fall a week later, used her medical pendant and was taken to the hospital. She was released to my care because she did not” break anything,” although she could not walk and was in terrible pain. And, of course this happened on a weekend.

When her doctor saw her on the following Monday, he admitted her to the hospital near her home. After a few days and no diagnosis or course of treatment, she was released to skilled nursing. The nursing home near her home was unacceptable in every way…the stereotypical nursing home that we shutter to think we would ever need. Luckily, I was able to find one near my home that was far superior, but we still had the issue of no diagnosis.

She labored away in physical therapy for almost three weeks and seemed to be doing OK. As a result, we found a beautiful assisted living apartment for her and moved her things into it. The last two days of her stay at the skilled nursing center, her conditioned worsened which could not be explained. She was released to Assisted Living and within 24 hours, they sent her via ambulance to the local hospital where she was admitted. While there, she had to miss an important appointment with a physician at UCSF (a teaching hospital in San Francisco with an excellent reputation) that had been scheduled for a month.

She was in the local hospital for about 8 days and although several consulting physicians were called in, none could agree on her diagnosis. She was therefore released again to Skilled Nursing, still undiagnosed, with no course of treatment and unable to use her legs or hands much.

A day later I happened to be sitting at my desk and received a telephone call from the UCSF specialist that she had been scheduled to see. When I told him what had transpired and her condition, he had her admitted to UCSF immediately. Within 3 days of being admitted, she was diagnosed with a rare disorder and treated for the next 5 days. She was then released to St. Francis Acute Rehab in San Francisco (where she trained to be a registered nurse from 1938-41.) They gave her the royal treatment. But, what was truly miraculous is that although she arrived in San Francisco via medical transport, unable to use her legs, I was able to pick her up in my car and she was able to stand in her walker and get into the car herself, without using the help that was close-by!

She is once again in Skilled Nursing. We will need to see how far she progresses before we will be able to determine just what kind of living environment will be best.

I know that without an advocate, my mother would have moldered away for the rest of her life undiagnosed and untreated in a facility that would give any one of us nightmares.

In order to be an advocate for your elderly parents, you will need to plan, and have the appropriate papers in order including an Advanced Health Directive and Power of Attorney, at least. Educate yourself to gain a basic understanding of the Medicare process and, if possible, make sure your parent gets secondary insurance (and understand what that secondary insurance does and doesn’t cover.) You might want to check into long-term care insurance (even for yourself). But, choose carefully! A good attorney with a specialty in “aging” could be invaluable.

In October, we will have a new Expert joining the 50Fabulous team. She is an attorney who specializes in “elderly issues.” I think she can share loads of information we will need to ensure that we are able to act as advocates for our parents if they are not able to care for themselves. If a family member cannot serve as an advocate, look into hiring one. There are many fine one’s available.

If you would like more information on this topic that affects most of us at 50+, see my column entitled Do You Fear for an Elderly Parent? Thank you to all that sent me information and your support throughout this on-going saga!

I would be very interested if you can share your own experience of navigating the medical system with an elderly parent. We can all help each other.

P.S. This is not a photo of my Mom.