Set an agreed upon weekly time to have a money meeting and stick to it!
It helps to meet the same time and day every week for about 30 minutes to one hour.
Why is this important?
You are "creating time and space" for managing your money in a healthy way. When you create time to talk about your money, it doesn’t have to leak into other conversations during the week. Talking in a solution focused way lessens tension.
It gives you opportunities to brainstorm solutions to problems and to practice working together as a team. You are creating a healthy habit and discipline. This discipline can help you meet your goals faster.
Make an agenda of what you want to discuss during this meeting and communicate this to your partner OR keep the agenda posted on the refrigerator and each person add their own agenda items.
Some ideas on what needs to be discussed are:
- Compare your "planned" expenses to your "actual" expenses. Talk about how well you are doing staying on plan and what needs to happen to stay on plan.
- The balance in your checking account
- When paychecks / income streams are coming in
- Will there be enough money in the checking account to cover weekly bills / expenses?
- Unplanned necessary expenses that came up and how to manage them
- Debt / Savings balances
- Questions you have for one another
Why is this important?
It helps create focus. Nothing other than money should be discussed in this meeting. An agenda helps you to know when you are done and allows you to give each item a certain amount of time.
Be prepared for your meeting! Commit to no distractions.
You might want to make sure you have paper, a writing utensil, a beverage, your bills and any other papers you need. You may also need your computer if you are using the excel cash flow program.
Why is this important?
Being organized saves time and makes the meeting go faster, creating a pleasant experience for you.
Practice relationship building communication skills!
Here are communication tools that create connection! It is your responsibility to learn how to be an effective communicator, which takes time and practice! The best communicators are great listeners and do not react in conversation.
Use "I" statements. When you speak from the "I" place, you are taking full responsibility for your feelings, thoughts and opinions. Using "I" statements helps you to connect with your inner desires or needs and will be far less likely to provoke a defensive response from your partner. An example of this would be: "When we agree to a money meeting time and date and you cancel the meeting, I would appreciate you re-negotiating a new time and date. When this doesn’t happen, I feel like this process isn’t important to you and I get frustrated at a broken agreement."
Clarify, clarify, clarify! Repeat back what your partner is saying to you in your own words until you are sure you understand what is being said to you. A formula for this is: "What I hear you saying is this ____________, am I hearing you correctly?"
Turn Complaints Into Requests. Stay focused on what you want to happen, instead of what is wrong or not happening, and negotiate toward a win-win outcome. This is staying focused on the solution instead of the problem. If you stay in the complaint, you will stay in the problem, and that will never fulfill your needs nor resolve the issue. Say what you are feeling and request what you want and need.
Notice your partner’s progress and praise him / her for new behavior, new ways of communicating, keeping agreements, etc. Rewarding and noticing the positive brings more of it into your relationship. Stay focused on what’s going right!
Take time out if things become too heated or you just need time to process your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, taking a "time out" can avoid hurtful comments or saying things you regret. The person who calls the "time out" is then responsible for initiating a time to reconnect to complete the business at hand.
Realize you and your partner are two different people with different perceptions and attitudes. Use these differences to your benefit. Sharing different views helps you to create more solutions that are "out of the box." Rather than criticize your partner for "not thinking" like you, try to understand where your partner is coming from and see how your partner’s view point can be helpful to the issue at hand.
